we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
