I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
