roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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