Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
