just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
