when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
