i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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