As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
