i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
