I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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