It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
