Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
