only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
