Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
