So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
