in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
