I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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