Hey man sorry I got all grabby
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
