I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
