Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
