When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
