You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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