Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
