just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
