Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize