As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
