I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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