Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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