I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
