dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
