What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
