I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
