she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
