Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
did you just send me my own nude
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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