The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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