I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
