I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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