I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
