I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
