Im at strip club and am horny
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize