Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
3pm strippers are depressing
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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