It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
