there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am available for nakedness
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
