I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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