i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
