well I can't set my house on fire every night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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