Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
