I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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