I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
