She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
