it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize