Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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