apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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