It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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