so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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