My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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