just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
