I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
