I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize