New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
