Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
