The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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