im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
