Your tits are I can't wait for
it hurts more in the daytime
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize