I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
