I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
