The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
