i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
