omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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