census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
