So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize